DustinMark.
Words
on the web.
The Dustin Mark
Project.
Four narrative podcasts. Two self-published books. One fictional character who began as a massage therapy student, got canceled, moved to a hostel, moved to Denmark, and died.
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The Dustin Mark Poems: 1–100
100 Poems That No Longer Need To Be Written. Composed during captivity in his uncle's basement — then polished after release.
The Dustin Mark Poems: 101 — Death
A Posthumous Collection. Compiled by his sister and Danish friend Erik following his death. ~⅓ in Danish. This is not a translation.
Pick a number of lines. Get a poem. It will be unique to this moment and this visit, and it will never exist again.
What I can
do for you.
A menu of creative services. We joke, sure, but I'll do this stuff. Being qualified is a state of mind.
Hire me as a real, salaried employee with benefits. I will attend most meetings and occasionally have strong opinions, when appropriate.
Pricing: Negotiable. Benefits appreciated. I have a dog to support.
A complete 95–115 page feature film script with actual three-act structure, character arcs, and scene descriptions that are technically correct. (You want more than 115 pages? Trust me, I would love that.)
Pricing: WGA rates work for me. But honestly I'm a bad negotiator so have at it.
80,000–100,000 words of literary fiction. No romance (that's nonfiction) or horror (don't care for it).
Pricing: I have no idea.
Narrative audio content from someone who has actually produced four narrative podcast series. I certainly know a lot more now than I did when I began, which doesn't flatter the early work.
Pricing: No more free podcasts.
One (1) sentiment appropriate for a life event. Suitable for framing, gifting, or immediate recycling. Bulk orders welcome. Considering how much I dislike greeting cards, I can promise I'll produce something unique.
Pricing: Let's be honest, this one should be cheap.
Marketing copy that, at its core, markets. Guaranteed to market.
Pricing: Market rate.
However many minutes of whatever your people respond to. I remember almost everything I've ever done, so I have stories. I promise tears.
Pricing: Just get me there.
If the person was interesting, great. If they were not, that's when I really earn my paycheck.
Pricing: Scale.
30 minutes during which I will tell you if something is funny. I will not be polite about it. Bring a thick skin and your best material.
Pricing: Depends how funny you are.
A voice with four narrative podcasts behind it. Probably hundreds of hours. I'll do any voice, no questions asked.
Pricing: Depends what voice I've agreed to do.
A picture book for children, written so the adult reading it out loud doesn't lose the will to live by page three. Rhymes cost more.
Pricing: Rhymes cost more.
The guy
behind the
words.
Humor writer, editor, and multimedia creator with over 15 years of published comedy and conceptual work. Contributor to McSweeney's Internet Tendency and Slackjaw. Based in Denver, CO.
B.A. in English from the University of Texas at Austin 😉. Former Associate Editor at Texas Travesty, the country's largest collegiate humor publication. Current-ish assistant manager at a recreational sports facility — which, against all expectations, has prepared him for most of this.
Fact or Fiction?
Think you know Dustin? Prove it.
How well do
you know Dustin?
Each card presents a claim about Dustin. Getting them right still doesn't mean you know him. Get to 20 correct and something happens.
25 questions · Shuffled each session
Let's make
something.
Interested in hiring me for something reasonable, or unreasonable? Either works.
dsamuelmark@gmail.comThe Website War.
The following URLs have been registered. All of them are Dustin Mark.
Register your own dustinmark.something and notify us. We'll add it to the list. When the time comes for a public vote, if yours wins you'll receive a special prize and a dedicated section on this website.
The time will come.
Think you can build a better Dustin Mark website? Do it. We'll put them side by side and let the internet decide.
Terms subject to my interpretation. Duel format TBD. No current challengers. This is real.